it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
