My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
