It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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