either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
