Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I cut my penus on the lid.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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