THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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