Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
