Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
