we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
