Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
