hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
