I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
