She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
