there's paper in my vomit.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
