so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
