Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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