I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
