I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
