The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
