Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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