I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
