The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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