You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Randomize
