nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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