i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
