First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
