u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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