He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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