so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
