Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
