i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
