Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
