Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
