guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
