just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Blood and glitter go together right?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
