you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
