I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Randomize
