if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
