I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
