a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
