He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
