I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
