Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
