Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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