My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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