Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
