somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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