I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
