you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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