I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
